You Are My Pothole

You are my pothole, my only pothole….You make me happy when skies are grey…..Sing along!!!!!

Well, maybe not.

I ended up being grateful for a pothole just recently.  You know how time and time again rotten things happen to us, and then low and behold something good comes out of them?  This was one of those times….and I ended up singing that silly song!

I drove up to Burlington, VT for the Level 1 Biofield Tuning class (more on biofield another time).  I went all by myself, and the trip lasted 5 days in total, with all the travel.  The fact that I made this journey is pretty epic for me at this point for several reasons.  One, I haven’t gone away by myself for a long time.  Two, I’ve never gone away for so long (I don’t think….).  And three, I’ve never driven so long and far without company.



Another thing that made this trip especially interesting is that Andrew and the girls and I would travel this route north twice a year, for the most part, heading either to Middlebury, VT to visit his parents or to Essex, NY, on Lake Champlain, to vacation for a summer week with family.  So the route was familiar, only my previous experience had been doing it while playing “the rhyming game” with the girls or pontificating on pertinent points with Andrew!

I thank my girls for letting me go off so I could “follow a call,” so to speak.  They did just fine without me, and at 25, 20, and 17 I’m not surprised.  They are independent and strong young women.  And I thank Andrew for blazing the trail up north and giving me so many great things to remember while I did this trip solo.

I may not have taken this class had it not been for Andrew.  Finding out that it would be in Burlington, VT (a town we had visited numerous times during our treks by the lake) made me say, “I can do this!  I know Burlington!”  It made a new experience a bit more familiar.


I know, you’re wondering about the pothole.

First, I have to backtrack to a few days before I left on my trip.  Cut to downtown State College, PA and the moment Grace and I discovered that we had a dead battery in the Veloster (crazy name for a car….Grace takes it to Grier and back every day).  Dead battery means call Triple A.  Ah, Triple A!!!  Find the card.  Pull out the card.  The card is expired!!!!

Neighbors Jerry and Susan come to the rescue with a jump start!

I vow to call AAA.  (I need to buy jumper cables, too…..)

Now cut to the moment I’m packing for my trip.  Oh, I forgot to call AAA.  I pick up the info they mailed me (Side note: I get so many mailings from various places and they tell me I need to renew or resubscribe, but I swear that I just renewed a little bit ago, so it can’t possibly be time to renew again!)…..yes, I pick up the info and tuck it in my folder.  I don’t have time to call now, so I’ll call when I get there…….

You know what’s coming, right?…..Anyway, I leave for my trip the next day and stop to get gas.  I pull out of the gas station lot and my eyes fall upon the beauteous AAA building right across the street!  Oh, look, AAA is right there!  I could stop, but really, no really, I have to get on the road.  I’ll be fine.  I’m going on this “zen” trip to learn how to help people improve their quality of life, so I’ll be Just Fine!

The trip up actually does go really well despite pouring rain.  And the next few days go just great!  (More on that later!)  So we get to the last day of my classes and I’m driving to this “out of the way” bagel place (Andrew and I loved to find “dive-y” type places that seemed more real.) and in the distance, on the road, I see this dark spot.  Is that a patched spot?  A puddle?  I kind of looks like, KATHUNK!, a pothole!

This was a HUGE pothole, and I didn’t swerve in time!  But the car’s wheel didn’t pull, and I thought maybe it was ok.  Then the tire light on the dash came on……

Oh no, I forgot to call AAA!!!!  (Swears loudly)

To make a long story short I met Seth Helper who supported and advised me (even though he didn’t know me) and I called a tow truck, etc.  After my credit card caught some drag time the tire got fixed pretty quickly, and I did make it to my last class, albeit only a half hour late.

But here’s what makes me sing the pothole song….. When the blessed tire guy checked out my flat he looked at the Other tire on that side, and pointed out that there was a prominent bubble in its side.  Even I, musician and mom, knew that that didn’t look good…. He said if I hit the highway the next day with that bubble in there the tire probably would have blown!  (And who knows where it may have blown, causing an accident, or who knows what kind of trouble….)

You are my pothole, my only pothole!  Sing along!  And here’s the moral of the story!  When you are told once, twice, and then three times to do something….you’d better do it!!!  We are not left on this Earth to experience things all alone.  And even if we ignore the first admonition, or even the second or third, we are still not alone!  I am thankful for that pothole, and as annoying as it was, I’m glad that I was given “another chance,” so to speak, which helped me avoid an even worse disaster.

In the end I was able to finish my class and even got a quick trapezius rubdown from one of my classmates!  I had a nice visit with my sister in law, and I made it back safely to Lemont, ready to digest my experiences and move on toward exciting things for all of us.  (I also got a new AAA membership….)

I’m sure I’ll be writing more about biofield tuning and where I’m heading with that and my new reiki experiences.  Actually, I don’t know exactly where I’m headed with it all, but that is the beauty of it….

The beauty is…….


The beauty is that the guidance you need is out there.  It may be quietly knocking at your mental door or blowing out your tires!  You just need to pay attention to it, and then follow it.  Look and listen for the signs (and maybe symptoms?) and you won’t end up singing the pothole song!

And as for the jumper cables…..maybe I’ll get them next week……

: )



My Journey Toward Healing

I have 21 blog drafts.

Yes, I have been writing blog posts; I just haven’t been publishing them!  I haven’t finished any of them either…..

But it’s okay.  No negative self talk here.  Lately I’ve been thinking about the process of writing; I realized that I’d sort of forgotten how writing helps me to think things out.  As for these 21 drafts, I started them because I had ideas or questions….and perhaps some possible solutions. The fact that I never published them is neither here nor there.  Maybe I wrote just enough to get myself to a better place.  And if writing does help me think things through it has done it’s job….I had quite a lot to think through…..


So, yes, I write for myself and if eventually others read what I write and are encouraged by my words, then all the better for it.  I’ve found, too, that what I end up writing and then understanding at the end of a post is sometimes very different than what I had intended when I began.  My writing has inadvertently taken me to places that I didn’t think I would go….places of deeper understanding that I didn’t see coming.

Yesterday I came across an advertisement for a class on writing as a form of healing, and I thought to myself, “Hey, I’ve done that!”  (The writing, that is, not the class.)  So, I got the bright, old idea that if I wrote out my thoughts I might bring myself to a place of brighter understanding…..and maybe I’ll even publish a post!  At the very least I can let all of you know what I’ve been up to.

I am pondering my journey.  A lot has happened since Andrew’s death.  I know that I would not be where I am had he not crossed over.  I know I’m on the right path.  I can feel it in my gut.  It is only when little uncertainties get into my brain that I sometimes start to doubt.  I look back on my last year and a half or so and I can easily earmark numerous things that have happened, people who have just shown up, coincidences that I know were much more than coincidence…and I know these things were meant to be.  There have been just too many synchronicities to count, and I shake my grateful head, wondering how and why and what will happen next.


You know, I have always wanted to have a job that was super helpful to other people.  Yes, raising children is an important job, and helping a singer to feel more confident is commendable, but I was always just awestruck after being taken care of by a great nurse or doctor.  I’d think about these people for days, weeks…..I still think about them.  That someone can be so helpful, or brilliant, or willing to do a “dirty” job in order to make a person feel better…..well, that kind of person is just amazing to me.  (I’m thinking especially of the hero nurses that helped me during my hospital stays.)  This feeling of wanting to be more helpful has continued to gnaw at me from the sidelines.  I have so often thought that I’d like to be able to help people like that.

Then I heard about reiki. “Reiki is a Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation that also promotes healing.” (   After lots of research on this “life force energy” I signed up for Reiki I and II certifications classes.  Six months later I can say that reiki has changed my life.  In March I will take an ART (advanced reiki training) class, and possibly take the master class level as well.

I also discovered biofield tuning, which is a process of healing by the use of tuning forks whose tones bring the body back to its original vibration.  I’m taking a Biofield I training in Burlington, VT in April!  Musical healing….who would have thought……!

I’m very excited about my new direction, as I feel that these healing modalities will allow me to help people the way I’ve always wanted.  I plan to have clients and give distance sessions.

Maybe you are thinking that all this sounds a little out there?!

Well, I don’t do things on a whim.  My brief descriptions don’t do justice to the time I spent before making any decisions.  If Andrew were here he would concur and tell a story of how long it once took me to chose a brand of butter.  I know (have researched) and have seen (actually felt) the workings of these modalities.  I understand the science and believe the unexplainable.  These processes are not religious, but they are spiritual in nature.  In fact, before we had chemicals, etc, we had knowing and faith.  These things have had a very profound affect on me, and they are leading me to be a better and healthier person.


My long-standing book club girls and I met recently, and as we all caught up with each other I found myself saying, “I like myself better now.”  Thoughtfully, one of the girls said, “Well, we liked you before, too.”  Thanks!  : )  That’s what book club is for.  (Am I intimating that we don’t always read books?!)

I believe it is true that it can take a disastrous event to bring a person to a better life.  Looking back, I realize that I used to hold so much anger, jealousy and impatience in the palms of my hands…..Even though some days are still not easy  I feel like I am in a much better place now, even though there’s not anything that I, myself, have done to get me here.  The only thing I have done is just be open minded…..

I am so grateful.  I am fully aware that I still have many faults, but I’m not going to agonize over them.  The fact that I’m imperfect is not going to keep me from moving straight forward.  And I’m thinking that this new direction can only help me with all the other stuff going on in life…..


In the end I want to love myself, love others, and bring myself and hopefully others to a place of healing.

This “without” experience certainly has a lot of “with” in it.  I’m truly excited to see what will happen next.  I’m sure that being open is a key.  Living life with an open hand, releasing old beliefs and biases, not remaining stuck to what others believe or have taught you, going with your gut, your love, your heart, your being, being humble, releasing the grumpy thoughts that tie you to a place of pessimism……

Wait….I think I’m staring my next blog post!……Hmmmm, I wonder if I’ll finish it?!?


You can learn more about reiki at

Eileen McCusick’s new video on biofield tuning: